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If there’s one thing that I really hate to talk about, it’s religion. I hate it when people ask me what my religion is because I don’t want to be defined by the stigma that comes with the name of the group I belong to. I want to be defined by my relationship with Jesus, not by my religious affiliation.

So when people ask me what my religion is, I always say that I am a Christian. And by being a Christian, it means that I am a follower and a disciple of Jesus Christ. And by being a disciple of Christ, I mean that I want to live my life the way Jesus’ did, NOT by my own strength and wisdom but by the grace and power of God living in me. Jesus is the Lord and Savior of my life.

But then last month, we met a new friend from India in a training and he ask us about our religion. I have no choice but to answer him and I told him that I am a Christian but a Protestant Christian. He asked me what’s the difference from other sects so I shared to him what we believe in.  A few days later, he asked me again if I am a protestant. I answered, ‘yes but I preferred to be called a born-again Christian.’

I don’t know why but for some reasons, I am not comfortable calling myself a Protestant. But I am sure that I am a born-again Christian. And by being born-again, I consider myself a new creation, saved by God’s grace and transformed by the power of Christ. I am a sinner who was changed by God and is still being transformed to be conformed into the likeness of Jesus, in terms of character and ministry. I live in the truth which God has declared in the Bible that ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. (2 Cor 5:17)’

So I guess that’s what being born-again means. It means being born of water and the Spirit as what Jesus said in John 3:5. And as what Jesus has declared, being born again (of God) is a first requirement for anyone who wishes to see the kingdom of God.

Yes, after 4 years of 1 chapter a day meditation on my Bible, I’m done reading and studying it from cover to cover.

I am writing this not to brag but to encourage everyone to read it at least once in your life, if you really want to know God and to know how to live a life pleasing to God. The Bible is the Truth. And the truth will set you free. So if you want to know the truth, read it for yourself.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she said that the reason why people nowadays have subjective views about God is because of different interpretation of the Bible. While I agree with her that interpretation matters, I don’t believe that the Bible is meant to be interpreted. It is the Word of God so we don’t need to interpret it. We are meant to UNDERSTAND and BELIEVE it, and if there’s a clear command, OBEY it. The Bible interprets itself so it is plain and simple to those who read it for the purpose of knowing who God really is and for the purpose of knowing the TRUTH.

As for me, the Bible is not a book but a legit life manual because it is the LIVING WORD of God.

Praise the Lord for this wonderful treasure!

And here comes my most dreaded question, haha! I’m actually quite hesitant to answer this but since I accepted this challenge, I guess I don’t have a choice.

I’ve mentioned the five qualities I’ve set as my standard for my ideal guy in my previous book review post. That was the standard I’ve set when I was younger. I don’t think it’s still the same today because I’ve added some more on my list lately. 😀

Kidding aside, these qualities I’ve set before are superficial to me now. I can still get attracted to guys with any of these qualities but if he doesn’t meet my non-negotiables, I usually tend to cross him out from my list of prospective husband.  So here’s the checklist for my ideal husband:

1. He loves God more than He loves me. I often tell this to my office friends because as an nbsb, I always end up being the object of their playing-cupid game. They always tend to pair me up with anyone who also happens to be single and available, as if I’m looking for a boyfriend. And because godly men are rare species these days, my officemates often end up speechless whenever I mention my requirement to them. I believe that if my man truly loves God, I am assured that he can’t also afford to hurt me because He knows that he is accountable to God for his actions toward me.

2. A heart after God like David. This is somewhat related to number 1. God looks after our heart so it is really important that my future husband will be someone whose heart really beats only for God.

3. Passion for excellence like Daniel. If I were to choose an ideal man  from the Bible, it’s Daniel. The Bible said that Daniel so distinguished himself among all the satraps and administrators that those who are envious of him had to use his devotion to God to accuse him of disobeying the King. They can’t find any fault in him so they have to persuade the king issue an order that they are sure Daniel will disobey. So I want my man to have same passion to excel for God.

4. Integrity like Job. Job is one of the men of the Bible who was found righteous before God. Satan has to petition to God to allow him to test Job because God said that Job is still a righteous servant. To Satan’s disappointment, Job has passed his test and thus proven himself righteous before the Lord. I want my future man to be like Job who’s walk with God is already consistent.

5.He’s a leader. I want someone who is really committed to lead more men to Christ. And I also want someone who will lead me closer to God.

I know these standards are quite foolish to some. I should know because some have even accused me of being idealistic or being someone who is hard to please because of my standards. I know that men with these qualities are rare these days but I am sure that they exist because my Jesus is alive and He is able to transform lives of men and mold them to become more like Him in character. I have also met actual men who truly love God and know how to respect women. So I am sure if God really wills it for me to have a lifetime partner, He will send someone who perfectly fits with my standard. As what the famous actress in our country, Maricar Reyes, said, ‘Set your standards high and trust God that He will meet that standard.’
Jesus said, ‘according to your faith, it will be done you.’ So by faith, I’m claiming that nothing is impossible with God. 😀

And just like that, we’re now in March and the first quarter of the year is almost over. Though short, the month of February has been somewhat action-packed for me. I’ve learned a lot of things about myself once again, I’ve met a lot of new friends, been reconnected with an old friend, and seen an untimely death of an office colleague.

If there’s one thing that I want to be reminded of about my February, it’s ‘Life is Short’. With all the tensions happening in this country and in some other parts of the world, I am fully convinced that we are in the last days. I am now fully aware of the urgency of the Gospel and the importance of the work that Jesus has entrusted to His followers. I don’t want to sound pessimistic but I am convinced that this world is not going any better because God has meant to destroy it. Since I know now that the time is near, I now realized that my selfish desires and ambitions are nothing compared to the big task that is coming ahead so I have to be on guard and remain faithful. We know that no one knows the time and day of Jesus’ second coming but we must be ready because He will come in the most unexpected time and hour. So it would be better if Jesus will find me busy for His kingdom when He comes rather than sorry if He will find me idle. Or better yet, I should be ready and prepared to welcome Him with joy and excitement in my heart.

The first month of the year has really been a great start for me. It’s no secret that the previous year has brought a lot of struggles and frustrations to me that I wanted it to end fast so that I can start all over again with a clean slate in 2015. Indeed, by God’s grace, year 2015 has given me a new hope and chance to try and attempt great things for God again.

So I planned, I made commitments and tried to fulfil it. But things get in the way and now I’m starting to feel frustrated and disappointed again. I’ve always known and believed that God can do great things through me. I also know that God is pleased with faith so I thought that this faith can bring me to great places. But how come things don’t happen the way I expected it to be? How come that it seems nothing is happening according to my plans?

Then it hit me. Did I say MY PLANS? That exactly explains why ‘nothing’ is happening. I’m still trying to do things on my own strength and effort so God’s grace and power can’t have a room in my life. Now I realized that this is the lesson that I always keep on missing.

God is more concerned about my journey more than my destination so unless I let Him take control of ALL areas of my life, I will forever remain in this cycle of trying and failing.

He is more concerned about molding my character into Christlikeness so He will not allow me to get my heart’s desire without learning the most important lesson I should  learn from Jesus’ life: HUMILITY and SUBMISSION.

Even if I don’t admit it, God knows that there is still a part of my heart that I keep for myself. I’m still unwilling to surrender it to God and so I struggled. Now I’m beginning to understand that Jesus does not want just a part but ALL parts of my life. And I am still not able to do it because there still remains selfishness and pride deep inside my heart. The only way to remove them is to make me broken so that I would learn about dependence and humility. And I realized that I really need a lot of breaking from God. So now I want to make this bold prayer: ‘Lord, break me!’

I know it won’t be easy but God’s grace is always sufficient so I’m sure that everything will turn out to be perfect.

To be honest, this is one of my favorite questions from the challenge.

One thing that I really appreciate (and sometimes missed) about my younger self is my capability of dreaming BIG. I am a very ambitious woman by nature and I know that once I’ve set my heart and mind on something and committed to do it, I can always make things happen.
I praise Jesus that He has changed  that attitude in me because He wouldn’t have a room in my life if He didn’t intervene.

As I’ve said earlier, I’ve always known what I wanted in my life, and I was very determined to accomplish it. When I was still in college, I already know what kind of job I want to have so after my graduation and right after I passed my board exam in 2008, I researched everything I need to learn and do to get the job I want. But because God is a gracious and merciful God, He allowed me to fail at least twice before I finally landed on my dream job. It’s maybe because He wanted me to remain humble and learn the truth that without Him, I am nothing. One of the things that I did during the time that I was so down because of my ‘failure’ was to identify and list down my goals in 20, 5 years and 6 months’ time. I’ve read about the goal-setting exercise from the book of my cousin so I tried to do it and write it in my notebook. I forgot (as always expected of me, haha!) about that goals when I started working so when I found my notebook again late last year, I was surprised when I realized that the deadline I’ve set for my 5-year goal was almost up. (By the way, I forgot to tell you that aside from being ambitious, I am also very impulsive so I tend to forget my commitments and  change my mind a lot, and that’s why it’s also easy for me to change course. I know I have to change that attitude as well.)

Anyway, here’s what I’ve written in my notebook:

As you can see, year 2014 has passed and I haven’t started paying for my own house and I’m still paying my rent. I don’t have 300 thousand savings in my bank account, I haven’t even started my master’s degree and I am neither a professor nor a project manager.
The only thing I checked off from that list is to reach Visayas and Mindanao but the good thing about it is that I’ve been to that places for FREE! Plus, I was able to get out of the country, for free!

Do I regret and feel disappointed that I wasn’t able to achieve my goals? No. Because I know that even if someone will offer to give me everything I wanted back then in exchange for the life I have in Jesus right now, I will not accept it. Yes, I will be very happy to get it but I’m sure that it won’t last long. I know that I will still feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied and will keep on looking and searching for the meaning and purpose of life. So, thanks but no thanks. I’d rather be where I am right now, with Jesus.

I know that I made the right choice because God has never failed to affirm and confirm this truth to me. So I am happy and contented as I am right now. I may not be where I WANT to be but I thank God that I am where I NEED to be and where He wants me to be, and I know that greater things are yet to come. 😀

Year 2014 was a year of self-discovery for me. Blame it on the number of personality tests I took last year, I became aware of my good and not-so-good personality traits. I’ve learned that  I am an ISTP and the description is pretty accurate for me. I’ve also learned that my language of love is quality time and acts of service so I now understand why it’s awkward for me to say ‘I love you’ to my friends and loved ones or be mushy and touchy-feely to them. Anyway, this post is not about my personality type. I just want to share how my increased self-awareness has lead me to this post about my recent discovery.

One thing I discovered about myself lately is that I’m not good at making friends. I didn’t notice it before because I really thought I’m friendly. It’s easy for me to start a conversation with someone I just met especially when the situation calls for it. I am also comfortable with meeting new groups of people so I’m pretty sure that I am not anti-social. It was only after I read several books and articles about friendship when I realized that what I’ve been actually doing for the longest time is just making aquaintances and not really making friends. It’s easy for me to talk with strangers but it actually takes a long time for me to open up and get close to anyone. But once we get close, I always try to take extra effort to spend time with them. Don’t get me wrong. I do have a lot of true friends and I know who they are. And that’s where my problem comes in because since I love spending time with my friends, I also want to make time for ALL of them. Aside from that, I also have to balance my time for my work and ministry so learning how to prioritize is truly a challenge. As what our local proverb say, ‘pag gusto, may paraan. pag ayaw, maraming dahilan (If there’s a will, there’s a way). Since I believe in this saying, I always try to make time for people I value the most.

However, I also know that I have a very limited time so I’m now praying that God will lead me to the right people I should spend time with and reveal to me the people whom I will and should keep for life.

So this morning, I finally received the usual birthday greeting card from my office mates. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but as I browse through the birthday greetings from the people I consider my friends, I felt a bit…. I don’t know. Maybe, sad? I appreciate their gesture and messages. I really do. I know I should not feel this way because I know that they really mean well when they said that they want me to finally have a ‘love life’ this year and I know they said it out of concern. But reading their messages brought me this feeling of alienation because having a romantic relationship is not really my heart’s desire. And I don’t understand why no one really believes me even if I already told them about it a hundred times.
Well, maybe I can’t blame them because I haven’t shared to anyone from our office my deepest dreams and ambitions. I have assumed that even if tell them, they won’t understand and no one ever cared to ask so I’d rather not talk about it. Not with them, at least.

But what are my heart’s desire really?

Some of my bookish friends actually asked me the same question last year, on the night before my birthday. They asked me what material thing do I really want to receive as birthday gift for myself that year. I wasn’t able to answer it because I can’t think of any material thing that I need during that time. And I know in my heart that what I’m really praying for is anything but material possession.

That prayer is still the prayer of my heart this year and now I’m sharing it so that you can also pray for me. I only want three things actually: salvation for my entire family and friends, growth, and multiplication for myself and our network.

My desire is to really become finally fruitful in my personal ministry this year and I praise God that He’s starting to grant this desire little by little. I want to become more busy both with the King and His Kingdom this year. I am also praying that God will continue to work in my heart so that I will be filled more with passion for Jesus and for the lost.

I’ve already settled it with God 2 years ago that this is what I really want for my life: ‘to fulfill Christ’s Great Commission by making disciples and reproducible disciple-making ministry’.

And I know that God will accomplish it through me.

What about you? What’s your heart’s desire?