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Today is April 1, 2025. 

Almost five years since I posted my last blog entry. My previous post was written while we were in the middle of the pandemic and life was full of uncertainties back then. When I came across that blog entry a few days ago, I realized that God has indeed answered my prayers I wrote back then. My life now is a result of that answered prayer.  I’ll write a more detailed post about this, maybe later.

I decided to write a blog entry today because March has been wild and a lot of things have happened since the start of the year. In the past month alone, I took the comprehensive exam as part of the requirement for completing my masters, but with little preparation. I enjoyed that journey, though it was challenging because I met new people and learned to share the struggles with my batchmates to make it feel more bearable. 

The last month was also one of my busiest in years in terms of spending time with people. I was able to catch up with officemates, old friends, and an old flame (or spark?! haha). It’s maybe because I want to maximize the remaining time I have as a full-time student.

March was indeed a month full of ups and downs for me. But if there’s one thing I think God is teaching me in the past days, it’s total dependence and trust in Him regardless of the circumstances. He’s teaching me to rely completely on His grace and power and not on my own effort. He’s also teaching to be grateful to Him and praise Him when the situation is calm and free from worries and stress. 

“Rejoice always, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬)

I just realized that my last blog entry was more 2 years ago already and I was talking about the full life back then. If you would ask me if I have been living a full life since then, I’d simply say that no, I am not. Aside from losing my father and gaining a niece, the past two years and 5 months of my life was pretty UNEVENTFUL. Yes, there are highs and lows but I can say that there is no significant milestone that I can claim whether in my personal life, career and even ministry. Still, I praise and thank God that He has brought me this far and even sustained me during this long period of isolation.

I decided to write again today to mark the beginning of my renewed FAITH in Christ and my journey towards embracing the will of God and living by faith and not by sight. Renewed faith not because I have come from backsliding or something but more of responding to God’s call for higher level of commitment and deeper relationship with Him.

It’s kind of timely actually because I was reminded today that 10 years ago, I made a public declaration of my faith in Christ through water baptism after a two-day Encounter God Retreat. The water baptism was really symbolic to me back then because I was having second thoughts on doing it initially. Then God made me realize that if I’m saying that I truly want to follow Jesus, then what’s keeping me from leaving my former religion and do the baptism as a symbol of my new found faith?
Anyway, as I was saying, God made me renew my faith in Jesus Christ today by reminding me in our bible study on Romans 3 that first and foremost, my salvation from the power and consequence of sin (death) is by grace through faith in Christ alone. I am saved not because I’m righteous or because I am doing all the religious stuff that a Christian should do but because God is righteous and Jesus Christ paid for the penalty of my sin. I have believed and received this truth by faith ten years ago, but somewhere along the way of my Christian life, I have lost the very essence of my salvation and got caught up with my self-effort to earn God’s favor, often masked in the form of ministry activities. And I have recently reached to the point of my Christian life where everything seems so stale and I honestly don’t know how to move forward.

God spoke to me through this Word in Daniel’s prayer in my quiet time today:

“Just as it is written in the Law of Moses, all this disaster has come on us, yet we have not sought the favor of the Lord our God by turning from our sins and giving attention to your truth. The Lord did not hesitate to bring the disaster on us, for the Lord our God is righteous in everything he does; yet we have not obeyed him. “Now, Lord our God, who brought your people out of Egypt with a mighty hand and who made for yourself a name that endures to this day, we have sinned, we have done wrong. Lord, in keeping with all your righteous acts, turn away your anger and your wrath from Jerusalem, your city, your holy hill. Our sins and the iniquities of our ancestors have made Jerusalem and your people an object of scorn to all those around us.”

“Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake, Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary. Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear your Name.” Daniel‬ ‭9:13-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

For me, it’s a personal invitation from God (which was also confirmed in our bible study text tonight) to go back from where I started ~~ RIGHTEOUSNESS BY GRACE THROUGH FAITH.
“This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe…and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” (Romans‬ ‭3:22‬,24 NIV‬‬)

And the only way to stay on and finish this race is also by faith in Christ alone. FAITH FROM FIRST TO LAST. The reason why life seems so uneventful for me lately is because I have stopped living by faith, or if there’s faith, I’m satisfied with just enough faith to barely get by. And God is not pleased with that kind of faith. So just like the people of Israel in Daniel’s time, now I am covered with shame and object of scorn of people around me.

So as I said, now I want to ask and seek God again for His will and plan for my life. And if there’s one thing I’m sure and certain about my faith and relationship with Christ, it’s my desire to stay at the center of His will. God reminded me that He is still the good Father who wants the best for me so it’s alright to ask and tell Him my personal desires. I just need to trust and have faith in Him again that whatever His answer is, it’s far better than what I have asked and desired. And when He answered, I must be willing and ready to live by faith and follow where He will lead me.

Please pray for me and pray with me as I ask God to put a new dream in my heart or even resurrect the dreams I have burried long time ago.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10 NIV)

One of the truths about Jesus that I love sharing to people whenever I share the Gospel is the promise of full life.

I love sharing this truth because I am a living testimony of how Jesus transformed my life from nothing into something meaningful. Like the Ephesians, I was once dead to my transgressions and sins but now I am made alive in Christ. I was reminded of this truth once again yesterday, during the Sunday service.

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

(Ephesians 2:1‭-‬7 NIV)

A friend once told me that we live in the most stressful generation, and I totally agree with her. It’s very evident with the increasing number of people who find the need to travel a lot, drink and be merry every weekend or even find a meaningful just to unwind from work-related stress or whatever troubles they are experiencing in life. Actually, I used to envy people who can just easily pack their bags and go somewhere else every weekend whenever they want to.

But then God reminded me to look at the motives and reasons why most people live the way they live now. These people are looking for something that will give meaning and satisfaction to their lives and they are looking for it in other things except from God. So when I realized this, my envy has turned into compassion because I know that no matter how hard try to fill their lives with things, experiences, work, hobbies, and even people, they will never experience the full life that God has originally designed for us, unless they turn to Jesus.

Sure they will feel happy after visiting every destination, or after partying with friends over the weekend, or even doing something that they are passionate about, but these will never give them a lasting joy and peace. After every travel, partying or whatever activity they do, they will still have to go back to their respective workplaces and face the reality of life which remains the same after they left it.

What they need is Someone who will give them a spring of living water who will satisfy their hunger and thirst for something, who is actually Jesus Himself. As what Agustine of Hippo has said, the human heart is restless until it finds itself in God.

That is why every person need Jesus. Actually, Jesus is all we need to break the cycle of looking and finding the meaning of life. Once we finally meet Him, we will realize that we don’t need much to feel happy and contented because He can meet us right where we are.

This is also the reason why lately I realized that travelling or doing my favorite hobby is no longer appealing to me. I no longer feel stressed and tired all the time because I’ve learned how to find rest in God. The time I spent with God every morning and the ministry that God has entrusted to me which seemingly looks tiring, are the very reasons why I don’t feel stressed. Jesus is now my life and the source of lasting joy and peace.

If you’re feeling tired, restless and empty, maybe Jesus is nudging you to go back to Him and receive His free gift of life.

How are you, people?!

I’m down to my last 7 posts for this, so let’s get going.

The truth is, I always get annoyed when people say something about my non-existent love life especially when they are trying to point out that I’m missing out on something huge in my life for not having one. I always try to act cool whenever these things happen, but there’s one incident, though, that I can’t help but lash out over a certain comment made by a high school classmate. I wouldn’t even call him a friend because he’s not.

We were having our usual banter in our group chat when one of our classmates started teasing me to this classmate. They know that I have this irrational dislike of this guy, so they always make fun of me by teasing me to him. And because I don’t want the teasing to continue, I always tell them that it’s not going to happen because he’s not my type. The guy answered by telling me to stop being choosy. Then he said something, and in a mocking way, like ‘are you not jealous of our other classmates? You’re the only one who’s not married yet.

Normally, I don’t take comments like this personally, but because it came from a person I don’t particularly like, I became extremely irritated. I still tried to sound gracious, so I just answered him with something like “getting married is not the ultimate purpose of life”.

I have so much to say about why I’m not jealous of my high school friends who now have their own families and why I’m not worried even if I remain single for life, but I chose to remain silent that time because I know that our chat group was not a proper venue for that. I also know that they wouldn’t understand even if I told them why, so I just kept my thoughts to myself.

I’m still not sure why I got easily annoyed by that comment. I always have a ready answer for that question, but during that time, I felt as if I got tired of answering those kinds of questions and of feeling the need to always explain myself. I know I’m happy with being single, and I don’t need to convince them that I am. Maybe I’m just disappointed that some people are not used to not being in a relationship, so they don’t understand why some people can be happy and contented even if they’re single.

While it’s true that we are really made for meaningful relationships, I don’t believe that being in a romantic relationship is the only way to be happy. We are designed to love and be loved, but the highest form of love that we can experience is the love of God. Once you experience the love of God and you are secured in God’s love for you, you won’t feel the need to receive that kind of love from other people. And this is the reason why I’m fine with being single. I am secure in Jesus’ love for me.

So if you’re in a relationship and you’re happy with it, good for you. But please stop telling your single friends to go and find their other half, especially when they are having the time of their life. I know you mean well, and you only want them to experience the same joy you’re having when you are in a relationship, but please stop telling them to keep looking. Being in a relationship is not always easy and requires commitment. If your single friends say they are happy, believe them and just let them be. Don’t make them feel there’s something wrong with them just because they don’t have a romantic partner.

Actually, I didn’t.

I didn’t plan anything for my birthday, partly because I’ve been in denial about it for the past weeks, and partly because I can’t think of anything how to celebrate it. So, I just prayed and left everything to God and let Him surprise me on the day of my birthday. I also tried to treat the day just like any other day. Since my birthday will fall on Friday, I thought that my scheduled bible study and prayer meeting on that day is already enough to celebrate my 30th birthday day in a meaningful way. But since God loves me so much, He didn’t allow me to not celebrate my special day, and I got a surprise birthday treat from my officemates.

Actually, I had an advanced celebration with my sweet friend, Sheryl the night before my birthday, when she also got me a cake during our dinner. Then on the morning, I started the day with my usual quiet time. I didn’t have any expectation on what is God’s message for me for that day, until I’m about to open my Bible and remembered that the passage for that day was Jeremiah 29. I sort of had an idea already that it will be a good birthday message because Jeremiah 29:11 is one of the common life verse for most people.

It was a wonderful time with God indeed! I even sort of laughed when I read this verse:

“Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease.
Jeremiah 29:5‭-‬6 NIV

I was like, ‘Lord, are you serious about this?! Is this a command that I need to obey?!’

I didn’t really want to ask God about it but He gave me an answer anyway. I thought it was God’s way of telling me that I should not give up on the idea of marriage but I should not worry and fret over it for now.

I was also encouraged when I read this verse:

Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” (Jeremiah 29:7 NIV)

It was a reminder and encouragement for me to pray more for the places where God has planted me because their prosperity also means my own prosperity.

Lastly, it was only during that time when the famous verse Jeremiah 29:11 made sense to me.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord , “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord , “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Jeremiah 29:11‭-‬14 NIV

I’ve always known that God’s plan for me is always pleasing and perfect. But I also forget that God’s plan is not necessarily the same as mine. When my plan does not coincide with God’s plan, my tendency is to always complain and grumble.

I also tend to hinder my own growth by blocking off or refusing things that may cause me discomfort or incovenience even though I know they are necessary, so God can’t work in me and through me.

So this message is actually a reminder for me to really embrace whatever God will allow to happen in my life because He is only up to my own good. Blessings and prosperity are important. So are sufferings and discipline. They are all being used by God to develop and make me the kind of woman He wants me to be.

So hello, 30s! I welcome you with open arms. 😊

Yesterday, I tried setting up a monthly budget so I could manage my finances better this year. The reason behind this is because I want to save up enough money so we could start the renovation of our house here in the province. 

It has always been my dream to have our house renovated ever since I started working. However, unexpected things that require more of our attention happen every year so we always need to bump off house renovation from the list of our priority expenses and I was sort of secretly complaining to God about this situation. I may not have said it out loud but deep in my heart, I have a lot of questions:

‘Lord, I know that my current salary is already enough to cover our house renovation but how come that we have to put it off because of my father’s medication?‘

‘Lord, our income is relatively higher than these so and so people yet they were able to build a more decent home, while you have brought sickness to our family that eats up much of our expenses?’ 

‘Lord, why does our life need to be harder than others especially those who are unbelivers?!Why are they seemingly more prosperous than us?!’ 

I don’t resent supporting my father’s medication so I myself can’t believe that I have these secret complaints to God. Since God knows my heart, He showed me this morning the kind of attitude I have inside through my quiet time on Jeremiah 12. 

Jeremiah’s Complaint
You are always righteous,Lord,
when I bring a case before you. Yet I would speak with you about your justice:
Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
Why do all the faithless live at ease?
You have planted them, and they have taken root;they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips but far from their hearts.
Yet you know me,Lord;
you see me and test my thoughts about you.
Drag them off like sheep to be butchered!
Set them apart for the day of slaughter!

How long will the land lie parched and the grass in every field be withered?
Because those who live in it are wicked, the animals and birds have perished.
Moreover, the people are saying, “He will not see what happens to us.” (Jeremiah 12:1-4)

The complaint of Jeremiah sounds very familiar to me as these are the same questions I have for God. 

Why do wicked peole prosper? Why do faithless people live at ease? Why is it easier for them to do whatever they want and do as they please without even considering what God wants for them? 

I found God’s answer to these questions in the following verses:

God’s Answer
“If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?
If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan?

Your relatives, members of your own family— even they have betrayed you; they have raised a loud cry against you. Do not trust them, though they speak well of you. 
(Jeremiah 12:4-‬6 NIV)

God’s answer was plain and simple—

“My child, if you had it easy, how would you be able to stand up against the more challenging life in the future? How will you be able to stand against this cruel world?!”

I’ve always known that we live in a broken world and life was never meant to be fair and easy. That my present life is just a preparation for my life in the future. 

Yet, I always tend to forget so God has to remind me about this truth over and over again. I have to be reminded about the principle of faithfulness in small things. If I keep on complaining about the simple things that God has asked me to do, then I will not have the strenght to do the bigger things that He will entrust to me in the future. So for now, I need to overcome whatever life has thrown at me so I could prepare for more challenging yet abundant and fulfilling life in the future.

Going back to the budgeting I did yesterday, I want to share what I discovered while doing the exercise. As I try to make all ends meet with my income and fixed monthly expenses, I can’t help but feel amazed at how God has been faithful in providing for me and my family last year. Our expenses continue to grow but God’s provision was also always on time that I was still able to buy things for myself and spend on entertainment. Then I was reminded about this verse:

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
(Hebrews 13:5 NIV)

Dear Lord,

I repent for the kind of attitude I have about suffering and life’s challenges. I know that these sufferings are your way to help me grow in faith and to form Christ in me. Thank you, Lord Jesus, that you have warned us that in this life, we will have trouble. But you also promised that we will overcome because You overcomed the world. Thank you that in You, we have the victory and that by sharing with your suffering will also result in future glory with you. Amen. 

​​11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. (Luke 15:11-24)

Perhaps most of us are familiar with the story of the prodigal son. Some may even consider this passage as their favorite because the story of the prodigal son is something that we can easily relate to. Like the younger son, we are prone to  wander somewhere and squander our Father’s wealth in wild living. And of course, how could we not love God who, like the father, is willing to wait for us to come back to our senses and welcome us when we return, despite of what we have done?

I used to love this passage as well and lately, God has been reminding me about the story of the prodigal son. But this time, instead of the younger son, I can identify myself more with the older son.

25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on.27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” (Luke 11:25-31)

Just like the older son, I have been with God ever since I came to know Him. I’ve been slaving for Him and trying not to disobey His orders. But then recently, my heart is starting to argue with God about how come I cannot enjoy my life so much and celebrate it with my friends,  so now I’m on the verge of refusing to join the celebration for the return of my lost brothers and sisters? I am at a point of my faith life where I’m starting to question God’s promise on my personal ministry that better things are yet to come. And honestly, even praying is a struggle for me these days because I’m not even sure God will give me positive answer.

 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 

This answer of the Father to the older son’s argument also seems open-ended and vague to me. Just like the older son, I really don’t know how to respond to this.

Will you please pray for me again?

Earlier this year,  I’ve made a resolve to keep a record of the best things that will happen to me this year. Since it’s April already, it’s time to post my 1st quarter highlights.

JANUARY

• Parent’s 30th Wedding Anniversary Celebration
• My 29th Birthday Celebration
• FPE’s 25th Anniversary
• Random Food Trip with Officemates

FEBRUARY

• AFFS-NCR Anniversary Celebration
• AFFS-UPLB Grand Alumni Homecoming
• Valentine’s Day Celebration
•  UP Fair 2017
• Colourpop Bonding with Laslas Girls

MARCH

• Iloilo/Antique trip for work (Including meet-up with Lynai)
• Dipolog trip
• Isaw food trip with Ingga and Sheryl
• Reunion with highschool friends
• Short portmanteau meet-up
• New ministry
• Cousins’ Birthday celebration
• Natural Capital Accounting Conference
• New apartment (yep, I’m moving out soon.yay!)

Indeed, God is always on the move and I’m looking forward to new and exciting things that God will do in the next few months. Praise the Lord! ?