Category: The Single Woman Blogging Challenge

While I was purging my stuff a few months ago, I found my little green notebook where I used to write the inspirational text messages I received from my friends. I am really a sucker for inspirational quotes so I always make sure that I have back up before I delete any text message from my phone. When I scanned that said green notebook, a certain quote caught my attention and I can’t help but reflect on it. I even took a picture of it and posted it on instagram just so you know, to have a record. The quote goes something like this:

Some people say single persons have a sad life. No, they have friends that make them happy. Some say no one cares for them. That’s also a lie. They have God and a family who loves them. But you know why they are single? It’s because they look forward to long-term relationship at the right time with the right person and not just for experience.

I know I wrote this quote when I was still in my teens and the reason why I wrote it is because I believe it. I know in my heart back then that I don’t want to settle in a relationship just for the sake of experience, and all the more, I don’t want to settle in a relationsip with the wrong person. So when I saw it again, I felt so proud of my younger self for having this kind of conviction. So how is this related to the question today? Well, read again the first two lines. I believe these are two of the BIGGEST misconceptions of being single: that Single people are SAD and UNLOVED. Some people say single persons have a sad life… Most people think that being single and alone always equates to being lonely. It may be true to some, especially when they haven’t experience sincere love in any form, but most of the time, it’s not. Happiness is a choice and one way of choosing happiness is spending time with people who share the same belief, interests and passion with us and accept us for who we are despite our flaws and weaknesses – our friends. Though we really do feel lonely from time to time, it doesn’t last long because we have friends who are always there to make us feel better. And since single people are not committed to anyone, they have more time to explore the world and meet more people. Some say no one cares for them. That’s also a lie… Yes. I definitely agree that it’s a lie that single people are UNLOVED. Most people don’t understand that love has not one but FOUR faces (maybe I should write about this next time :D). Romantic love or Eros is just one of them. The other faces of love is affection (love of family), friendship and agape (love of God). Of all the four faces of love, the highest and most perfect form is agape. It is most commonly known as the unconditional love, and the only person who can give this consistently and deeply is God. God’s love never fails. So whether we ‘feel’ it or not, single people are always loved. 😀

Honestly, I got stucked in this question because I really don’t know how to answer it. Not that I don’t have any fear. It’s just that, I haven’t thought about it for a long time because like what I always say, I am used to living alone and living independently, to the point that I think it has become my comfort zone. And because I know who holds my future, I can honestly and confidently say that I am not scared of becoming a single woman for life.

However, because I also know that I am not perfect and I’m still a human being, who happens to be living in this broken and imperfect world and body, I admit that I do still experience the feeling of doubts and fear from time to time.

Now that I really have to think about it, I really need to be more honest with myself. I think one of my biggest fear as a single person is losing my job and not being able to provide for my family. As the breadwinner of our family, losing my job can have a very big impact not only on myself but also on my parents. So having a stable job and steady source of income has somewhat become my security. And looking at my current financial assets, I am sure that I really can’t afford to lose my job.

I think that’s all I have to say for now. 🙂

Hi! It took me a while to write something about this post because I really can’t think of a moment when I was so full of joy for realizing the blessings of being single.

Thank God because that joyous ‘moment’ happened a few Sundays ago when we celebrated the birthday of my two girls from the children’s cell group I’m leading. Because I forgot to bring gifts for them, we decided to just eat out somewhere to celebrate.

As I spend time with these kids during our celebration, I found out that the mom of one of the birthday celebrators is just about my age. Unfortunately, their mom is no longer living with them because she already has another family. When l learned about this, I felt a little sadness and pity for my girls because at an early age, they have to suffer and experience the brokenness of this world. At the same time, I felt a little privileged because I was somehow able to give joy to these children by sharing my life to them.

It is during the moment like this that I am really grateful that I’m still single. Because I’m single, I am able to do things that I really want and at the same time to serve others. I’m not saying that I won’t be able to do this anymore when I get married. But as what Paul has said in the bible, married women have divided priorities. They need to manage and balance their time in order that they would be able to serve both their families and God.

I also realized that I’m blessed because God did not allow me to suffer the consequences of failed romantic relationships such as heartaches. He also did not allow other people to suffer because of me or because of failed relationships as in the case of my spiritual children. Of course I’m not judging their mom for leaving them. I’m sure she has reasons and I’m sure it’s not really easy for her to be separated from her own flesh and blood.

As for me, I just need to be thankful that I have an undivided time and energy to spend for the advancement of God’s kingdom and for sharing His love.

So this is my first entry to the challenge.

I don’t actually have a ready answer whenever someone throws me this question point blank. So I’ll just share a typical conversation with me whenever this topic is brought up and it goes something like this:

Someone: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Someone: Why?!
Me: Hmm, I don’t know.
Someone: But have you ever been in a relationship?
Me: ahmm, No.
Someone: seriously?!
Me: Yes.
Then most of the time, I will reply with a short laugh and say ‘Oh, I really don’t know because that’s the same question I’ve been asking God and myself for the longest time.’

Actually, if I will really think about it,  this question seldom occurs to me and I have never attempted to search for an answer to this question. Why? Maybe because I don’t find any need for it at the moment. And maybe because I have believed that God has a perfect plan for me. Sure I do have crushes and feel attracted to some nice and decent guys, but that’s not enough for me to plunge into the dating game.

So why am I still single? The reality is maybe because I know in my heart that I’m not yet ready. I am not yet ready to give up my independence and submit under the authority of a man. 🙂