Am I Ready to be Poured Out as an Offering?

I’ve  been taught that following Jesus is costly. I’ve always known this in theory because Jesus himself said this to His disciples a lot of times.


Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. (Matthew 16:24)


“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:37)


“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples. (Luke 14:26‭, ‬33)

I said I’ve known all of these in theory but for the longest time, I failed to realize is that these very same words from Jesus also apply to me. I always tell Jesus that there’s nothing else I want in my life but to follow Him all the way, but now that He’s asking me to give up my whole life for Him, then why am I relenting?

I’ve been praying for fruitfulness in my personal ministry for a long time now but it seems that nothing is really happening. Yes, there is fruit but not the much fruit He had promised. So I was asking, ‘God, what’s wrong with my motive and my strategy?’ Then last Saturday God answered me during our usual DIPF. God told me that if I really want to achieve a different result this time, I need to totally change my lifestyle. I can’t live my life in the same way I had it before.

As if God wants to make His point clear to me, He confirmed the direction that He wants me to take during my quiet time yesterday through this text from My Utmost for His Highest: 

The text asks me to tell God I am ready to be poured out as offering but I told God otherwise. I told God I don’t want to say it because I know that once I’ve said it, He will surely do it. He did it the last time  I told Him I am willing to take the more difficult path for the sake of my growth, and it was painful. I’m not sure how painful  it can get this time because I’m looking forward to a greater reward. I’m struggling because as much as I hate it, I know that there is no other way but to go through it. So in the end, I told God that I am not willing, but please, make me willing!

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42)

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