My close friends know how allergic I am to the word dating. I’m always reluctant in using this word, even if it means friendly hang out, and shudder whenever I hear this word. Blame Joshua Harris and his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye for brainwashing my mind with a negative connotation of the word dating.
‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ has somehow became my life mantra.
That said, I believe you now have an idea that I don’t go on dating. So, writing this post is quite a challenge. In fact, I’ve been meaning to post this for months but I can’t finish it. I must confess that I am not comfortable hanging out with a guy alone even if I know we’re just friends, so I have a limited, or worse none, dating experience to share.
Fortunately, I still have something to share. It happened several years ago and I can say that it was really a date. It’s not actually something embarrassing, but rather awkward since the guy who asked me out was a friend. I consider him as one of my closest guy friend from high school. We became friends because he was my seatmate in 3rd year and then we got close after college and we used to text regularly back then. Because he was brokenhearted that time, I became his confidante. Honestly, I’ve never considered being romantically involved with him so I was surprised when he suddenly asked me if I would want to go out and watch a movie with him. Since I have this auto-friend zone feature, I thought it was a friendly hangout, so I said yes. Then he told me later that it was technically a date.
He asked me what movie I want to watch, so I told him Alice in Wonderland and he agreed. So we watched Alice, and he paid for it. Then after the movie, we ate dinner (I can’t remember where). Looking back, I think it didn’t go well. Yes, we talked a lot but I admit I was really feeling awkward the whole time. It’s maybe because I can’t shake off some questions running at the back of my mind during that time.
‘What are we doing?”
Why did he asked me out?’
‘What if our high school friends find out about this meeting and what would they say?’
‘How would I answer them?’
Because I don’t have the courage to voice out my questions back then, I remained silent and tried to ignore those questions.
We remained friends after that but no one dared to mention that ‘date’ again. Then life happens, and we lost communication. Though we are still friends in Facebook, we don’t communicate anymore (same with my other high school friends). The last thing I’ve heard about him is that he’s already married.
So there goes my non-existent dating life.