The first month of the year has really been a great start for me. It’s no secret that the previous year has brought a lot of struggles and frustrations to me that I wanted it to end fast so that I can start all over again with a clean slate in 2015. Indeed, by God’s grace, year 2015 has given me a new hope and chance to try and attempt great things for God again.
So I planned, I made commitments and tried to fulfil it. But things get in the way and now I’m starting to feel frustrated and disappointed again. I’ve always known and believed that God can do great things through me. I also know that God is pleased with faith so I thought that this faith can bring me to great places. But how come things don’t happen the way I expected it to be? How come that it seems nothing is happening according to my plans?
Then it hit me. Did I say MY PLANS? That exactly explains why ‘nothing’ is happening. I’m still trying to do things on my own strength and effort so God’s grace and power can’t have a room in my life. Now I realized that this is the lesson that I always keep on missing.
God is more concerned about my journey more than my destination so unless I let Him take control of ALL areas of my life, I will forever remain in this cycle of trying and failing.
He is more concerned about molding my character into Christlikeness so He will not allow me to get my heart’s desire without learning the most important lesson I should learn from Jesus’ life: HUMILITY and SUBMISSION.
Even if I don’t admit it, God knows that there is still a part of my heart that I keep for myself. I’m still unwilling to surrender it to God and so I struggled. Now I’m beginning to understand that Jesus does not want just a part but ALL parts of my life. And I am still not able to do it because there still remains selfishness and pride deep inside my heart. The only way to remove them is to make me broken so that I would learn about dependence and humility. And I realized that I really need a lot of breaking from God. So now I want to make this bold prayer: ‘Lord, break me!’
I know it won’t be easy but God’s grace is always sufficient so I’m sure that everything will turn out to be perfect.